Trauma Drama? Break through to Ecstasy!

We all know the power of positive thinking. How do we claim the riches that belong to us? How do we feel royally divine? 

Why did I feel so numb for so long, and why was it impossible for me to experience pleasure? How did I finally break the wall between my trauma and my pleasure, breaking through to ecstasy? How do now I claim the riches that are mine?

We each presume and declare our trauma (and drama!) is a long time past. We have dealt with all our junk, yet it wants to deal with us again and again. What do you do with a whole lot of trauma, and what if that trauma turns into post traumatic stress? How does one find healing after senseless trauma? When we are young we know when we are traumatized. We may bury it, but whenever it presents itself we know we were violated. Many of us have had hard times healing from our childhood trauma.

Now we just want to have fun. We deserve it. We are not wanting to deal with trauma.

And yet, trauma will deal with you till you deal with it. Many of us do not realize that we are re-traumatized every day through our triggers. We have all experienced how some insensitive person says something in an unkind way, or displays aggression, it can remind us of “that time when I thought I was going to die” or… whatever that time was. How do we get over it? How do we live in a toxic world without letting it affect us in a toxic way?

What? You mean I’m believing lies about myself?

If trauma is not acknowledged, the stress affects our body in a truly toxic way. I had been sick with stress for a few years. It took me 3 years to realize I had post traumatic stress. Then it took another 3 years to heal. Now I say I’m 95% whole! I think that is pretty good. 

Once I realized I had post traumatic stress, I was able to forgive myself for the ways I didn’t cope like I had wished. I fell into a dark hole after ending a marriage to a man who fell into an extended paranoid delusion. I dealt with my husband’s aggression and paranoia and rage fueled temper tantrums for many years, until it finally ended in a sickening and traumatic way. Ending the marriage put me instantly on welfare, since he had been the breadwinner while I stayed home with my children. The next 3 years were a dark pit of gloom.

After 3 years I left my beloved friends in my beloved city of Portland and returned to Texas to pursue another design degree so that I could update my portfolio and become a designer again. I worked as an Art Director for a magazine and now as Designer for an ad agency. Now we are 6 years post traumatic stress. I have removed triggers from my life over the past 18 months and I feel very physically different now. Not so sick, and I used to feel dead, now I feel alive.

Pay attention to your triggers.

The key to progressing towards success after trauma, is to recognize your triggers. When someone or something triggers you to have terrible anxiety, be sure to remind yourself that you haven’t done anything wrong. You are OK. Take a deep breath. It’s not your fault you were born into a toxic world, and you’re just not down with toxicity so… you feel it. You react. It’s ok. You feel that stress, the toxic load of energy attacking your body. How to become impervious? The breath is the answer. You must be deeply in touch with your breath and delivering oxygen to your body, so that you can quickly respond when the trigger assaults the stress upon your body.

Remove that false belief. You can have what you want.

I encourage mindful awareness for you today.  Notice your breath, and notice if anything messes with your mojo. Just breathe deep and blow that stress ball away.

After years of isolation, I want to connect with like minded lovers of life. I still live mostly in a suburban bubble, and I only just realized that I’ve been preventing my own dreams from coming true because I’ve been afraid of letting myself be known. I isolated myself deeply after all the trauma drama. I didn’t realize till a couple weeks ago the rest of my dreams can’t come true so long as I am afraid of people and not willing to speak up. So I am done with that. 
Time for dreams to come true. 

There are a couple of other things I am afraid of, but don’t worry… I’ll be fearless soon. 


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